Me, My Kids, My Life

So, what's up with the Joosts these days?

2009-09-29T21:53:00.000-07:00

WELL... let's see.

Jay is still out of work and attending Sierra College. He is greatly enjoying his classes this semester, as they are all in his major, which is Applied Art & Design. He only has math left in his general education requirements, so he's enjoying focusing on the stuff he's really there for. Our intention was that he absolutely needs to go back to work by January, so with the end of the year drawing near, he is going to have to really re-double his efforts to find work. Once he does, he will have to cut back on school, but he will continue and achieve his goals in however much time it takes! He is receiving a Pell Grant, which is a Godsend, for sure, and has allowed us some more comfort in the finances.

I am still working for JP Morgan Chase, but have transferred to the Lincoln branch, which is quite a bit closer to home. We are undergoing a remodel, which is nearly done now, and it has been quite hectic. We are also a month away from the official conversion from Washington Mutual to Chase, and I can definitely say I look forward to having all this behind us. It's just obnoxious in so many ways to deal with the Chase-but-not-quite-Chase thing, as we are still using the WaMu computer system, policies, and products, but are at the same time trying to learn all the Chase stuff and slowly re-train our customers, as well. Other than work, I am still pregnant, of course. :) I have my cesarean date set for November 20 at 9:30am. We did not find out the gender, although I still have my personal feeling that this is a boy. I am getting bigger and heavier, and look forward to having THIS behind me, too! lol But, of course, I enjoy pregnancy for the positive points. I am at a point now where I know this COULD be my last pregnancy. I don't think it will be, but Jay and I are going to take our time on having another baby, and I don't know what the future holds. Regardless, I am trying to remember to cherish every little kick and punch from within, because it truly is an amazing experience, and I know I will yearn for it some day when we have decided we have enough little mouths to feed. God willing, we will somehow become financially set and can just keep having kids! But, honestly, I don't see us going beyond five children. I got my flu shot today, and am anxiously awaiting the release of the H1N1 virus vaccination, so I can get that one, too.

Annie turned eleven on Sept. 2 and started sixth grade in late August. She is now a Middle Schooler! She seems to enjoy it, and is doing very well. She is playing my old clarinet in band, which is kind of neat. I am glad she has that opportunity now; they didn't have band in Elementary School. She is in advanced classes, and I am excited by how well she is doing. She was sick a week and a half ago, and went to the doctor to be tested for H1N1, but the result was negative. It was good that she was tested, though, because she did have the symptoms. As it turned out, a girl she plays with regularly tested positive for H1N1 around the same time! Annie is frustrated with me, because I won't allow her to play with that little girl yet, even though she has been cleared to go back to school. I want to wait and make sure no one else in her household comes down with it, though, because it is way too risky if it makes it into our household while I'm pregnant. NOT a risk I'm willing to take! When I explained it very bluntly to Annie, she seemed to get over her annoyance. She got her flu shot today, also.

Jacob is going through another bout with poor listening, but this is nothing new. I have started keeping track of how many times I've told him to do something and telling him, "This is the third time I've told you to ______" and it seems to help. It makes him aware of the fact that he's ignoring my requests/directives. He usually responds with a quick, "Oh, sorry, okay" and does what he's been told. He is struggling with being respectful of Julianna's individuality and human-ness. He tends to want to treat her like a non-person, snatching whatever she is holding and pushing her around. She was laying on her tummy on the floor tonight playing with his Leapster and he laid down next to her to see what she was doing and she immediately grabbed the Leapster and held it away from him while yelling, "No! No! No!" and pushind him away. I made a point to explain to him that she did that because she has gotten so used to him taking whatever she has from her for no reason. I think it made an impact... I hope. We're working on it. He got his flu shot today, as well. He struggled when he saw the needle, but quickly calmed down when he realized it really didn't hurt that much.

Julianna is growing and changing as fast as I can type. Her vocabulary is still pretty slim for her age, but she communicates very well. She is eager to talk more fluently and is always trying new words. She teases and grins and runs faster than I can in my condition! She is a Daddy's Girl for sure, which started when I started working full time. It's a little sad for me, but she still loves her Mommy. It's just different with Jay. He's the one who can always make her laugh. She barely made a sound when she got her flu shot today. :)

Baby has been named. He will be Jonah Isaac Joost OR she will be Abigail Loretta Joost. He/She is in excellent health and growing as he/she should be. As far as we can tell, everything is perfect. :)

Jay's mother had a heart attack resulting in kidney failure in the beginning of August. It was a VERY scary time and we almost lost her, but she is doing relatively well now. She was in Cardiac ICU for 5 days and in the hospital for a total of 12 days. She lost vision in her right eye as a result of the heart attack and is not expected to regain it. She is still walking with the aid of a walker. She has been released to return to work no more than 16-20 hours a week and can receive disability income at the same time, so that is good.

Our finances are going to take another hit while I'm on Maternity Leave. I am honestly not sure what we are going to do, but we are brainstorming. Christmas will definitely be modest, which kills Jay. He always wants a big Christmas, but... this year we get a baby instead! lol

We have been looking at double strollers. I think I want the Graco DuoGlider, but we need to buy a new infant car seat to go with it, which will bring the total to about $200. We don't need it immediately, obviously, but I hope we can get it soonish. It has a huge basket underneath, which we love, and we need another baby car seat anyway, so I don't mind having to get one to go with it. The company that makes the car seat we have now does not make a double stroller. :(

I am going to call it a night! I have work earlier than usual tomorrow and am TIRED. I hope you've enjoyed this little update! Thanks for reading! ;)

Dani

Keep On Keepin' On

2009-07-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

So, this week we got TWO unemployment checks. The state is really trying to get caught up with Jay since his delay back in May/June. We got one check on Tuesday, immediately mailed back the continued claim form on the same day and rushed it to the Post Office before the pick up for the day, and got another check today (Friday). Pretty cool.

We are poised to pay August's rent on time... I think. We might be about $100 short, but that's a lot better than it has been. I am all caught up on all the credit cards except our Macy's charge, but I'm not too far behind on that one. I've paid a few lingering bills like DISH Network and an old doctor bill from forever ago. I made payment arrangements with another old bill and we closed Jay's credit card and went on a payment plan which reduced our interest rate from 30% to 6% and set our payments at $45.00 a month.

The only thing that is concerning me right now is that we no longer qualify for Food Stamps because I started working full-time, so that will be a change in our finances over the next little bit. Usually, we would get another month's worth of "stamps" (which is silly to say, because it's on a debit card anyway) on the 10th, but July was our last month so we will have to come up with grocery money on our own from here on out. I will be getting more WIC vouchers on the 30th, though. In a few more months, the WIC program will begin covering bread, fruit, and veggies, too, which is awesome.

I thought of something the other day... we are going to have TWO children in diapers at the same time for a while. That could get quite expensive! Hopefully, Jay will be back to work by then!

On that note, Jay applied and interviewed for a job at Magnussen's Auburn Dodge last week. He is still waiting to hear back. The Service Manager at Dodge was his Service Manager at Toyota, so he has his foot in the door already. I'm hoping and praying that it pans out, because it is definitely time for our income to stabilize.

The kids start swimming lessons next week, and Jacob finishes up T-Ball next Wednesday. He really enjoys T-Ball; I can't wait until he's old enough to actually be on a regular team! That starts when he's in Kindergarten.

I was listening to old messages on my cell phone voicemail today... I have a message from Jacob when he was probably about 1 1/2 making babyish noises and saying "Hi" over and over again and I also have a message from when Julianna was about 5 months old the first time she ever really laughed. I remember calling my cell phone so that I could record it. Annie was making faces at her or something and she was laughing. It's the sweetest sound. I love listening to those old messages... I'll have to find some way to save them if I ever change my cell phone service. I don't really expect to do that, though; I've been with Verizon forever.

I am feeling more positive tonight. I can't tell you how nice it feels to be almost caught up on our bills. We're so close I can taste it!! I just pray there isn't another long delay when Jay applies for his unemployment extension in the next couple weeks.

Our poor car (the Camry) has been sorely neglected while we've been hard-up for cash and now we have to replace the brake pads, the rotors, and one piston because we drove it way beyond the time we needed to change the brakes. Thankfully, we have the money to do it because of Jay's connections. A buddy of his is doing the work in exchange for a detail on his wife's car and he's getting the parts with his employee discount at Folsom Lake Toyota and we're just paying him back. The car also needs an oil change and a new windshield, which we will work on soon. The oil change is more urgent and easier to do ourselves, so hopefully it won't be much longer.

I should be in bed. I will write again someday. :)

Dani

How time flies

2009-07-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

I have found that updating this blog takes up precious time of which I have very little, so I apologize for going so long between posts.

Every day, I tell myself to keep my chin up and look on the bright side and that one day this will all be behind us. I know that sometimes the economy sucks and then eventually it doesn't anymore. I know this, but it's so hard in the moment... Jay is still looking for work. We thought we may have caught a break when a Service Writer up in Auburn gave his notice, but now we're hearing that they may not bother replacing him. Jay should have gotten an unemployment check today, but apparently we forgot to have Jay sign his continued claim form last week, so they sent him another form to sign before they can mail a check. Now, if things go smoothly, he won't receive his check until Tuesday, most likely. We are overdrawn in our bank account and have a lot of people asking us to make payments for one thing or the other, and I have made payment promises that I now cannot honor. Thankfully, I was able to make arrangements so our car won't be repossessed, as was a possibility.

I found a program through the city which will allow the kids to take swimming lessons this summer free-of-charge, so that was a blessing. I really didn't want to skip a summer, because I believe that swimming lessons can literally save lives and I always sign my kids up. This year, because we qualified for the free lessons, I am even going to do a "Mommy and Me" lesson with Julianna, which will supposedly teach her to pull herself out of the pool on the side. That could definitely be beneficial in a worst-case-scenario! So, I feel good about that.

I just go through such a roller coaster of emotions all the time. Jay is about to run out of his unemployment benefits, so we are coming up on his first federal extension. That is all well and good, but I've been told that you usually go three to four weeks without a check while they evaluate your application for an extension. Also, although I know the government is acutely aware at how badly people need the unemployment system right now, I always have it in the back of my mind that California is ultra-broke. Are they someday going to just say, "Sorry, we're out of money" and stop sending checks all together? Who knows? I don't trust any of the politicians anymore. Everything is a mess.

I find myself in a rotten mood because I'm so worried about everything, and that's not fair to my family. I am not enjoying it, either. I am experiencing a lot of headaches and hip pain at this stage of my pregnancy, also, which makes life that much more painful, physically.

I just really want to get to the other side of this mountain. I want to look back and say, "Oh, Jay, remember how impossible it was in 2009?? How did we ever get through that? I'm so glad things are better now!"

I'm scared and worried and confused and angry and disappointed. And what makes it worse is that it's all because of MONEY. STUPID MONEY! I hate that money can affect our lives so much. My children are healthy, my husband and I and all the people I love are healthy. I have a full-time job, which millions of people would love to have. I have a home. Our rent payments are late, but I have a home regardless. I am pregnant with another precious child, which is such a blessing!! I constantly remind myself of the good in my life, and yet I still end up feeling sorry for myself. I guess that's awful. Now I feel guilty for feeling upset. Sigh.

I hope all of you are doing well. I'm sorry this post has been such a pity party, but it's how I'm feeling right now. Hopefully, next time I will be in a better frame of mind.

Update

2009-04-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

So...

I haven't updated my blog in quite some time, but honestly I have had no idea what to say. The reason for that is not that I do not have things to say, but more so that I have so much to say that I cannot quite figure out where to start.

Let's start at the end. Seems logical, don't ya think?

On April 2, 2009 a very long, winding, FUN adventure came to an end. The two-hour ER Series Finale aired while my mind reeled around what this would mean. I already posted a long account of my fears and sorrows where the ending of ER is concerned, so I won't do it again. What I will do is make a few brief comments about the actual final episode. Granted, it will mean nothing to anyone who doesn't know the show or didn't see the episode, but deal. I was THRILLED to see Rachel Greene appear as a hopeful soon-to-be med student. It made perfect sense to me to see her there, and of course it made it perfectly plausible that Elizabeth would be in town. Kerry and Susan were logical choices to be in attendance at Carter's grand opening, and OF COURSE it couldn't happen without Benton. Seeing Reese was a pleasure! The chemistry between Benton and Elizabeth was entertaining, although misplaced, I thought. Generally, it was a well-executed episode that very nicely summed up the fifteen year-long drama that is ER and successfully made me cry. I thank John Wells, Michael Crichton (may he rest in peace), and Warner Bros. for a job well done and an amazing fifteen years.

Okay, so moving backwards, we come to April 1. I started my job at Chase Bank (which most people in this area are still referring to as Washington Mutual). I was hired on as a Senior Teller with discussion of moving to a New Accounts desk, possibly as soon as June or July. Right now I'm only part time, but if I get the promotion I will become full time. I truly hope this happens as soon as possible, because part-time really isn't enough to pay the bills, but I am very thankful to have a job at all, so I'm not complaining. Honestly, if it becomes clear that I won't be full-time in the near future, I'll probably start looking for a second job.

We now find ourselves at March 31. It was my nephew's 17th birthday (shout out to Todd!) and we were preparing our family of five to get in the car and head for the festivities in Folsom. I, however, had been struggling with some suspicions that I could not shake, and although it was not the most opportune time, I gave in to my need to know the truth RIGHT before we were supposed to walk out the door. So, without any further ado, I will share my truth with you, my reading public. ;)

Jay and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our fourth child! Based on my calculations, I am due late November 2009. My first OB appointment is on May 5. I had to choose a new OB, because Dr. Lane (who delivered both Jacob and Julianna) retired from obstetrics last year. This is very hard for me, but I'm sure my new OB will be fabulous. Using a Roseville-based OB will allow me to deliver at Sutter Roseville's new Family Birthing Center, too, and that's exciting! I thoroughly believe that this is another boy I carry, but that remains to be seen. I don't really want to find out ahead of time, but Jay sort of does, so we haven't decided for sure.

God is good! He has a plan for our family which I will faithfully follow. He continues to bless us daily and has shown His love yet again!!

So, it was a busy week. Oh, and we were late to Todd's birthday gathering. :)

I will post more another day, but I must run to the grocery store. Ta ta.

And... We're Clear!

2009-03-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

Girl Scouts Troop 1124 has sold it's last box of cookies. Sales officially ended on Sunday, and our troop raised $1210.55 for our girls (that is our profit, mind you, not the total amount sold). This has been AWESOME!
The girls hoped to earn enough money to go to Great America as a troop, so I'm sure we have that to look forward to. This money will cover materials for projects as the girls earn more badges and other expenses throughout the year. This is the only major fundraiser for the troops, so this is their "spending money" until next cookie season.

We have a number of upcoming events. The girls have a Father-Daughter dance this Friday. There are plans to participate in the Powder Puff Derby, which I'm excited about! They will learn CPR and First Aid. They are going to spend an afternoon in a mechanic's shop and learn how to change oil, check all fluid levels, change a tire, check air pressure, and whatever else comes up. They will spend time cooking and caring for pets and children. They will be making Easter baskets for The Sacramento Children's Hospital, as well. Of course, these are only the events I know about so far!

So, thank you for your support during the cookie drive and check in often to see what Annie is up to with her troop! This has been a very rewarding experience for all of us!

Giggle

2009-03-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

That was so fun.

So, if you missed it (and I'm sure you did because no one I know watches ER with me anymore), it was awesome.

Only three episodes left, people!

Tonight we were treated to Carol Hathaway, Peter Benton, John Carter, and - wait for it... wait for it... - Doug Ross. Oh, yeah.

I was very impressed with George Clooney, because I wondered how well he could pull off Doug after all these years. He did it beautifully, as did the gorgeous Julianna Margulies pull off Carol. Benton ain't so hard, but admittedly Eriq La Salle played him to a T, as well. Then there's Carter... well, Noah Wyle has John Truman Carter III burned into his brain by now, I think!

So, Doug and Carol are married. I distinctly noticed wedding rings on their fingers. :)

Carter and Benton are so awesome together. I LOVE watching them. They have perfect platonic chemistry. And Benton totally saved Carter's life and that stupid surgeon's ass by following protocol, am I right?? ... Oh, wait, no one reading this saw it. Trust me, he did. ... Anyway, that was SO vintage Benton and Carter.

My husband noticed that the scene between Doug, Sam, and Neela appears to have been shot in two parts and edited together. I don't think the three of them were ever in the same room together. I guess Mighty George couldn't wrap his schedule around theirs... OR his appearance was still hush-hush and the actresses had to just deliver their lines with no questions asked. It's been done before.

Looks like we get one more night with Abby next week. That thrills me beyond words.

Oh, and I LOVE how Carol says to Doug at the end of the episode that the kidney went to "some doctor." If they only knew.

All in all, I am very satisfied. I think The Powers That Be have done a spectacular job with this final season. They have truly given it the respect and honor it deserves, as far as television shows go. I am proud to have been around for all of it.

Three more to go.

The Danger of Precedent

2009-03-05T10:31:00.000-08:00

While on one hand, I completely understand the concept of precedent, when do we just admit that a mistake may have been made?

Some of the conversation in the Prop 8 hearing this morning has surrounded an earlier decision to allow the death penalty in the State of California. Life, most certainly, is a fundamental and inalienable right. I will not get into the death penalty discussion here, but I would make the point that the fact that the court made a questionable decision in the past does not mean they are required to follow suit in the future... or should I say, it should not. Mistakes have been made in the past. Racist legislation has been passed and subsequently overturned, as have other issues.

That said, however, the death penalty directly (not concerning indirect effects at this time) affects CRIMINALS. There is a difference in the way we treat our law-abiding citizens and our criminals. Rights are taken away when you are a felon. That is a fact. Therefore, regardless of your stance on the death penalty and whether or not it should be allowed, it does not have anything to do with the Equal Rights and Equal Protection conversation where law-abiding citizens are concerned.

On a lighter note, I am getting tired of the symantic arguments over the meaning of "inalienable," "fundamental," "revision," and "amendment." I understand that this is the basis of today's argument, but OH MY GOSH it's getting tiresome! Maybe someone will jump up on a desk or something and inject some excitment to the hearing. :)

As Long as it's a Narrow Exception!

2009-03-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

Justice Kennard is claiming that Prop 8 is a "narrow exception to equal protection."

Well, OKAY! As long as it's only a narrow exception!

Grr...

You May As Well Know

2009-03-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

I am absolutely appalled by the passage of Proposition 8, and I have not made a secret of that. That said, today the California Supreme Court will hear arguments appealing Prop 8 and I am letting everyone know right now that I will surely have some things to say about everything before, during, and after the decision has been made. If you don't want to hear about it, you probably ought to avoid my blog for a few days. If you are interested to know what I and others have to say, please stay tuned. :)

For starters, allow me to re-print this article from Equality California's website at www.eqca.org.

March 2, 2009

State Legislature Goes On Record to Oppose Prop. 8
Both Houses Pass Equality California Sponsored Resolutions Supporting Legal Challenge

Sacramento – Both the California Senate and Assembly passed resolutions today opposing Proposition 8 as an illegal and unprecedented revision to the state Constitution. According to the resolutions, Prop. 8 illegally usurps the legislature’s role to vote on all fundamental revisions to the Constitution. By taking away the fundamental freedom to marry from one particular group, Prop. 8 alters the very intent of the Constitution, which is to treat all people equally under the law.

The resolutions, Senate Resolution 7 and House Resolution 5, are sponsored by Equality California (EQCA) and were introduced by Senator Mark Leno and Assemblymember Tom Ammiano, respectively, both of San Francisco. In addition, a full 17 Senators and 40 Assemblymembers signed on as resolution co-authors. The Senate resolution passed by a final vote of 18-14, whereas the Assembly version passed 44-27.

“This is the first time in our state’s history that the initiative process has been used to take away a fundamental freedom from one particular group,” said EQCA Executive Director Geoff Kors. “Our legislators understand this is an unequivocal change to our State’s Constitution, which is to protect and empower all people equally.”

"Both houses of the Legislature recognize that Proposition 8 undermines the fundamental principle of equal protection guaranteed by the California Constitution," said Senator Leno. "Proposition 8's revision to the California Constitution violated key structural checks and balances in the state's legal system when it was approved by a slim majority of voters last November. If Proposition 8 stands, we would be setting a dangerous precedent in California that allows a majority of the people to deny equal protection under the law to a minority of Californians."

“Our state guarantees a system of checks and balances to prevent discrimination like Prop. 8,” said Ammiano. “Prop. 8 flouts that system as it alters the very nature of our Constitution and bypasses the constitutionally-assigned duty of the Legislature to begin the process of making fundamental revisions. If Prop. 8 is allowed to stand, the rights of every minority group will be at risk and our Courts and our Legislature will be powerless to stop it.”

The Supreme Court of California is scheduled to hear arguments challenging Prop. 8 on March 5th.

“We are thankful that our elected representatives have sided with the people in standing up against this dangerous and unprecedented revision,” Kors continued. “We are hopeful that the Supreme Court will do the same.”

Two weeks ago, nearly 1,000 volunteers traveled to Sacramento as part of EQCA’s Lobby Day, where they met directly with legislators and urged them to support the resolutions. Last week, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) weighed in on the threat all minorities face if Prop. 8 is not overturned. In a letter to the state’s legislators, NAACP National Board Chair Julian Bond and President and CEO Benjamin Todd Jealous urged the swift passage of both resolutions.

What's at Stake

2009-03-04T16:50:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow the California Supreme Court will hear arguments against the passage of Proposition 8, which banned marriage for homosexual couples. I wanted to share this video, because I think it makes important points about the basic rights of Californians and all people everywhere. There is no reason to strip one minority of a basic right. Next stop, 18-year-olds? Interracial marriage? Where does it end?

In addition, I wanted to let everyone know that there is a candlelight vigil taking place tonight at the Galleria.

Wednesday, March 4 is the day before the California Supreme Court hears oral arguments on the validity of Prop 8. That evening, we’ll stand together and send a unified message to our fellow Californians, including the Supreme Court Justices, that individual liberties like the right to marry are guaranteed by the Constitution to everyone and cannot be stripped away at the ballot box by a bare majority. Just as important, we will give our love and support to all the families headed by same-sex couples who are threatened by the recent electoral outcome, as well as same-sex couples whose hopes and dreams of marriage and family have been frustrated by enactment of Prop 8.

Eve of Justice: Lighting The Way For The Supreme Court

Gather at the Roseville Galleria Mall, 1151 Galleria Blvd. from 6-7:30pm for a peaceful candlelight vigil Meet outside the mall entrance between the Cheesecake Factory (next to JC Penney) and Nordstroms.

Gratitude and Humility

2009-03-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, Jay was laid off at the end of January. It had been rough even before that, because he was in commission-based employment in the automotive industry. Obviously, however, his dismissal on January 30 was the final affront on our finances (not to mention our sanity). Since then, we have applied for and/or enrolled in a few government-type assistance programs to put food on the table, but it's a daily struggle when there is NO money coming into the house. Yes, he has filed for unemployment, but the government is taking its sweet time processing everything and we have yet to receive a penny.

We have received help in various forms from many people during this time, and this is just my public acknowledgment of those people - and they know who they are! When friends and family step up to the plate the way ours have to ask what they can do and actually be willing to do it, we just have no words that properly convey our thankfulness. Some people have been constant advocates for us in the job market, using their contacts and inquiring about potential employment opportunities on our behalf. Some people have assisted us financially, while others have provided food. Some have provided diapers and other baby needs, while still others have provided prayers and advice. And bear in mind, NO ONE is financially sound right now. Every person who helps us does so out of his or her heart and leaves the logistics to God.

I KNOW that we will see the other side of this experience and will one day work and provide for our family again. I have absolute faith that God wants us to have this experience because we need to have this experience and that it is truly for our betterment that it has come about. I confess I have certainly lost my focus a time or two and felt out of control and scared. We keep plugging on, however, and eventually things will turn around.

This has given us the opportunity to re-evaluate some things. Jay will be going back to school to attain his Associates Degree in Art and Design, while (God willing) working part-time. I will go back to work full-time as soon as I receive a job offer. I am pursuing every avenue, submitting more applications and attending more interviews every week. So far, we are still jobless, but we will continue to search and apply.

This experience has definitely humbled us and illustrated exactly who our friends are. Anyone know Tim McGraw?

"You find out who your friends are. Somebody's gonna drop everything, run out and jump in their car, hit the gas, get there fast, never stop to think 'What's in it for me?' or 'It's way too far!' They just show on up, with their big ol' heart. You find out who your friends are."

So true.

So, all I'm trying to say is THANK YOU. Thank you a million times.

There are no words. Well, there are some...

2009-02-26T23:02:00.000-08:00

I realize that on the surface this will seem ridiculous. It's easy to laugh at people for loving something purely fictional. Hell, we laugh at people for loving celebrities, and they're real people. So, I'm just saying I understand that this might make you think I'm nuts, or at least a little pathetic.

I'm seriously sad that ER is ending. I have been watching ER on Thursday nights since I was 14 years old. This, the fifteenth season, is to be its last. I have fallen in love with characters, been disappointed by characters, cried over events, yelled at my television, screamed at my television, terrified my brother by FREAKING OUT over a particular terrible event in the sixth season, lured my mother, my roommate, and my husband into watching, and demanded pure silence from everyone nearby during episodes. I was there when Mark and Jen broke up. I was there when Carol finally admitted she loved Doug. I was there when Paul Sobriki killed Lucy and permanently damaged Carter (in every possible way). I was there when Doug walked out, and when Carol followed him. I was there when Mark died, and when Romano had a helicopter crash on his head. Carter cleaned up, Abby faltered. Deb Chen left, returned, and left again. Come to think of it, so did Susan. Don't get me started on Chloe! Ray lost his legs, Morris actually turned into a decent guy AND a decent doc. Uncle Jesse became Dr. Gates. Sam killed her ex-husband and got off scot-free. Benton really DID love Carter like a son, you just had to know him.

And that's the key. I KNOW these characters. I know them because I have paid the utmost attention to every tiny little detail for the last fifteen years! I have sat in dark rooms and silenced everyone who dared approach me and focused 100% on the episode at hand. I wasn't even allowed to stay up late enough to watch ER when it first started, but I did anyway. I would turn off my lights and turn my tv on and keep the volume at such a ridiculously low volume that I had to be inches from the screen to hear, but my parents never caught me and I never missed an episode. I used to talk to Peter Kupfer every Thursday night during the first (and second?) season during commercial breaks and hang up on him the moment the episode re-started... but it was all good because he understood. Later, I would call Kris Nagao following each episode to recap what we had just seen and make predictions for the following week's show.

I have seen George Clooney in person when he appeared on Jay Leno, and he is absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to drive by Noah Wyle's farm outside of L.A., but my silly roommate decided it was "too stalkerish" and refused to go with me, so I was shamed into staying home. I have watched all three Librarian movies because Dear Noah tugs at my heartstrings, and I must confess he was the only reason I saw Donnie Darko, originally. I am literally afraid of David Krumholtz because of his role on ER.

I've watched Mark take over Susan's apartment and Neela take over Abby's. I understood the significance of the casual drink Carter took in season 8. I was there when Mark got attacked in the bathroom, and I spent the summer of 2000 constantly worried about whether Carter had stuck it out in rehab in Atlanta. I spent weeks confused and upset for Abby when she lost her way in 2007, and was thrilled when she and Luka finally got it together in 2008.

Okay, I could go on forever (I already have). The point is that no matter how pathetic I am, this is something that has been a significant obsession for the majority of my life! Now, the inevitable eventuality has arrived and there are only five more episodes of ER remaining. Oh, and Carter's dying without a kidney transplant.

I am very much saddened to say goodbye to all these people I have grown so fond of. What, oh what, am I going to do on Thursday nights? Are the doctors and nurses of County General going to check in with me once in a while to let me know how they're doing? Is Neela ever going to truly grow up? Did Deb ever contact her son? Has Elizabeth kept up a relationship with Rachel? How the hell is Malucci doing?

I noticed that tonight's episode had Carter washing blood out of his shirt standing over the same sink where Abby originally caught him shooting up after a trauma. He had the same look on his face for a moment when Banfield walked in, as though he might hide the truth, but this time decided to be open about what was going on. I thought that was an interesting choice... and not everyone would have noticed that.

Okay, so I've made my point. I'm ridiculous, and I'm sad. I don't wanna say goodbye to ER! I just might throw a temper tantrum... I just might.

Hollywood Meanie-Heads

2009-02-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

That was mean. There is either something truly wrong with Joaquin Phoenix (and he needs help) or he is completely sincere and you're just picking on him like a bully on a playground. Either way, this was pushing the line a little, if you ask me.

I guess nothing Hollywood types do should surprise me, but this did.

Stupid Government CRAP

2009-02-18T09:02:00.001-08:00

Sorry to speak to the obvious, but if you can possibly avoid ever having to file for Unemployment Benefits, do so. I am so tired of the bureaucracy of our government. Rather than expediting the process for people who are out of a job and have no source of income (not to mention little kids to care for), they intentionally send you through as many blankety-blank steps as possible, causing it to take as long as possible, while you flounder around with no money.

I may throw something. I'll keep you posted.

Anyone catch the Late Show?

2009-02-11T23:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am not just trying to bash this man. I think he is a brilliant actor and (when shaven) a very good looking individual... but what the hell is wrong with Joaquin Phoenix??

I saw him on David Letterman tonight and all I can think is that he was higher than a kite and barely realized where he was. I surely hope that he is okay, but for the time being he really ought to stay out of the limelight. There is DEFINITELY something wrong with him.

John Belushi, anyone?

Happy Thoughts...

2009-02-08T23:05:00.001-08:00

My silly husband
Food Network
Reminiscing about high school
Google Earth
My amazing children
The health of everyone dear to me
Garth
The roof over our heads
Key Lime Pie
My supportive siblings
Warm socks
My understanding friends
My church community
Sleeping in
Groceries in the kitchen
The return of so many of my favorite characters in the final season of ER
My awesome niece and nephew
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
My loving parents

2009-02-07T11:52:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I did NOT get the job with Wells Fargo in Auburn OR the job with Washington Mutual in Auburn. WaMu called me and wants me to interview for a position in Fair Oaks, however, so at least they're still interested. Wells Fargo has another position open in Sacramento for which I applied, and now Wachovia is hiring at their branch in Auburn, so I applied for that as well. I have sent my resume to Bank of the West and Umpqua and someone else... not to mention all the random jobs I've applied for on hotjobs.com.

Jay is still waiting to hear from Roseville Toyota, but we aren't particularly optomistic. He has applied with Lithia Toyota in Vacaville (!) and has interviews next week with Aflac and some healthcare insurance company. He has a bunch of random applications out there, too.

This is nuts. Thank God for family. We are receiving such support from both sides of our clan that I am at a loss for words to thank them. I can definitely tell you we have food in the house, which is amazing.

I'll let you know when something happens!!

I'm starting to freak out a little

2009-02-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

I am finding myself to be very anxious lately. Jay and I are both actively looking for work, and I have a few bites, but Jay isn't seeing much action. There aren't many jobs in his field available, and he has not had any luck getting into the field he would like to pursue. The next step is just finding some job, any job, at whatever pay rate he can find.

I am having anxiety attacks again. I haven't had them in a while, but they seem to be back full-force. Thankfully, I still have some of the medication my doctor prescribed last time. I hope this doesn't last long. Stress is a killer, y'know.

Continuing to wish, hope, plan, and pray...

Wow. Really?

2009-01-31T00:04:00.000-08:00

Jay got laid off today.

"So everybody get ready to raise your middle finger to 2008 and welcome 2009!" - Radio DJ on New Year's Eve

2009-01-26T00:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am totally stealing this from Conway (sorry, hun, but I can't change your name after all these years... it's just weird), and it's a little late to be reviewing 2008, I suppose, but I like it and I'm doing it, so there.

The Year in Review...

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Quit my job with no intention of finding a new one

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I don't think so. I probably resolved to stop biting my nails, as I do every year, so I definitely did not keep that resolution. Here we go again for 2009!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Hmm... oh yeah! I did!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Sadly, yes.

5. What countries did you visit?
The United States of America - it's beautiful!!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
MONEY

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 13, 2008 - the birth of my daughter, Julianna Marie Joost.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Okay, giving birth has to be mentioned. Besides that, I'd say really truly becoming comfortable with my husband's ex-wife.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I still bite my nails

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Does pregnancy sickness count?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Everything I bought at Disneyland collectively

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one in particular improved their behavior so much that it warranted celebration. I don't know that anyone I know really needs to improve their behavior, except maybe my three-year-old!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
At times, Jacob did bring me down, but he was dealing with becoming a big brother. He's doing MUCH better now.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, moving, and rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My new baby, Jay's new job, being able to quit my job

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? unfair. I was eight months pregnant at this time last year.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
traveling

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
stressing over money

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
We spent it with our families

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I have to ditto Conway; I stayed in love in 2008.

23. How many one-night stands?
Oh, come now.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Same show for the last fifteen years! ER!
I did discover House and Big Love this year, though, and they are excellent.
Jay and I also watched Six Feet Under on DVD and couldn't get enough.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no.

26. What was the best book you read?
Two From Gallilee

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jason Mraz

28. What did you want and get?
another baby

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really don't watch many movies. I honestly cannot think of a favorite.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28 and I believe Jay and I went out for dinner and a movie... I don't remember what we saw, though.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money. I don't mean that in a offhanded, silly, or crass way... it was a seriously difficult year financially.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Stay-At-Home-Mom

34. What kept you sane?
The smiles and laughter of my children. And my mom.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
No one in particular.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The atrocity which is Prop 8.

37. Who did you miss?
Byron, Adam, and Leslie, just like every other year. :(

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Julianna Marie :) :) :)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
God will provide, somehow.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
Another battle lost but not the war

'Cause tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated and I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing but I'm not dead

'Cause tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain"

Jo Dee Messina
Bring On The Rain

To Execute Faithfully... To Faithfully Execute... Oh, Damn It!

2009-01-20T21:12:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed the inauguration today quite a bit. I felt sad watching Fmr. President George W. Bush leaving office, but not because I love him so much or anything. I am a supporter of his, but the reason I felt bad is because I know he feels bad. He has been the President during a very tumultuous time and because things aren't hunky-dorey at the end of his time in office, he is bid farewell with a smirk and the occasional rude gesture by the American citizens for whom he has worked so hard. I feel that he has gotten a bad rap and he knows it. But I digress. The inauguration was stirring and exciting, if short on real substance. The poem by Elizabeth Alexander was painful, although I think it might have actually been okay if I had read it on paper; she was just too choppy in her delivery, in my opinion. It was, all in all, an enjoyable event to watch. The Obamas are definitely a breath of fresh air in all their relatively youthful giddiness, and I'm happy to see two smiling little faces in the White House. We haven't had youngsters in that building for quite some time... has it really been since Kennedy?

So, here you go, America. You wanted him, you got him. Let's see what he can do.

To Boldly Go...

2009-01-20T21:09:00.001-08:00

Okay, well, just an update on our job-seeking. I received interest from Wells Fargo but have not yet gotten an interview. I'm planning on calling to "check in" tomorrow. Jay was contacted by Geico last week and has taken a written test and had an interview, both of which went well. Thursday he has to go to Rancho Cordova for an assessment test which is a roleplay activity where he is supposed to talk to a "customer" who is making a "claim." I'm sure he'll do great! He has a good personality for these things.

Keep praying for us, please... this could be something huge for us if it works out!!

Lovin' That Hot Dog

2009-01-13T12:24:00.001-08:00

I just hope that Barack Obama's entire Presidency isn't going to be about the fact that he's black. I recognize the significance of race and why this is VERY exciting and liberating for black Americans, but he's not just a black guy who won. He's going to be the President of the United States. I hope it doesn't take us too much longer to get over the fact that he's black. The more we focus on race, the longer race will be an issue for people. When we no longer discuss it or concern ourselves with it, real change can take place in people's hearts.

And by the way, there really ought to be a rule against taking pictures of people mid-bite. It just isn't nice.

If I arranged a reunion...

2009-01-09T00:25:00.000-08:00

The following are people I would LOVE to see again, especially all at the same time. They don't all know each other, but this is my reunion, so that really has nothing to do with it.

Adam Nagao
Leslie Allen
Alex Lucas
Peter Weeks
Peter Kupfer
Gina Kupfer
Betsy Sagala
Tim Frank
Brian Schroeder
Ryan Reed
Katy Clay
Melissa Smith
Beth Reigel
Candace Smith
Byron DeMent (he counts because I barely ever see him now that he's a big time New Yorker)
Ginny Cashmore (I know she got married but I don't know her last name, sorry)
Linnea Boswell (see above)
Jenny Glinka
Rikki Engman (again with the married note)
Linda deGraaff
Elizabeth McDonald (yes, Dr. McDonald)

I hope I didn't callously forget someone who is important to me. I am not a person who makes many friends, and these people are gone from my life to one degree or the other and I wish I could just bring them all back for a little while. I'm feeling nostalgic tonight.

Love you all.

The job search is ON

2009-01-05T23:37:00.000-08:00

I've applied at Washington Mutual, Wells Fargo (yuck!), and Golden 1. Jay has applied at Geico, Traveler's Insurance, and The Picture People. He has an outstanding application with AutoNation, but doesn't expect much to come of it.

I have spent day after day staring at Monster.com, HotJobs.com, and various other sites. I am SO tired of job hunting!!!

Wish us luck. :)

Agree, Disagree, Whatever.

2008-12-20T15:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am anti-8. These videos are anti-8. If you don't care to watch them, this is your warning. :) More than anything, I think the first one is just funny to watch. The second one makes sense to me, I must say.

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

December 4, 2008, 1:19 pm
Marc Shaiman on ‘Prop 8 — The Musical’

By Dave Itzkoff

In just one day of online existence, the Funny Or Die video “Prop 8 — The Musical” has received more than 1.2 million hits. The comedic song-and-dance diatribe about the California ballot initiative to define marriage as existing only between a man and a woman stars a cast of dozens, including John C. Reilly, Neil Patrick Harris, Maya Rudolph, and Jack Black as Jesus Christ.
The musical itself is the brainchild of Marc Shaiman, the composer of the film and stage musical “Hairspray,” as well as some of the filthier songs in “South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.” Assembled in a week, it’s also the result of a process that began when Mr. Shaiman, who splits his time between New York and Los Angeles, alerted his friends and colleagues that Scott Eckern, the musical director of Sacramento’s California Musical Theater, had donated money to a Yes-on-Prop 8 campaign. The proposition has already passed, and Mr. Eckern has since resigned, so what has Mr. Shaiman gained from this video? He discusses the creation of “Prop 8–The Musical” in a Q&A below.

How did your mass e-mail message about Scott Eckern and the California Musical Theater end up spawning this video?
I sent an e-mail to a lot of people, anyone who’s in my phone book, and said, “Can you believe this guy?” I’d rather almost not talk about him and that situation anymore, because he’s certainly gone through enough. But that e-mail, one of the people it went to was Adam McKay [a co-founder of FunnyOrDie.com]. He wrote me back, basically, just saying, “Why don’t you write a song about it for Funny Or Die?” Which was like, the slapping-my-head moment. Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that? Or why didn’t I do that in the first place?

It took a few weeks to calm down enough to be able to find the humor in it all. So once he planted that seed in my head, I basically went the next day to the piano and started to write – a week later we were filming it.

Is this the first time you’ve created a viral video for the Internet?
I’m so old, I can’t remember. To this extent, certainly. I have done things that have ended up on the Internet. Luckily, nothing sexual. Yet. But the night is still young.

How do you feel, given that it took the passage of Proposition 8 to motivate you to create a video opposing it?
In my credit, it says, “Written (six weeks too late) by Marc Shaiman.” I mean, yeah, it’s totally bittersweet. Barack Obama’s ascension just had us all so giddy. We were thinking of how to film it, and I said, “Well, maybe that first section should be all of us on a hill, with poppies, and it snows and we’re put to sleep, and then the Proposition 8 people are looking through the crystal ball, like the Wicked Witch of the West in ‘The Wizard of Oz.’” Because that’s what happened. We stupidly allowed ourselves to be lulled into a sense of, everything’s fantastic now, look – everything’s changing. And this couldn’t possibly be voted into law. This is just like some little pesky thing that we’re swatting at, and it will go away immediately.

How did you react to the news that Mr. Eckern had resigned from the theater?
There’s certainly nothing joyous about being partially responsible for a man resigning from his job. I mean, I did not ask for his resignation, nor would it be my place to ask for someone’s resignation. He resigned, though, and I was part of that, and that is a very heavy weight, and I don’t take it lightly. But it has certainly opened up our eyes, and made me get off the couch and out on the street with a picket sign, for the first time in my life. And it felt fantastic.

So this experience has made you more of an activist?
Yeah, I was marching in New York, and that was just the greatest experience. And of course this video is just a viral picket sign. And hopefully funny. I hope that doesn’t get lost. I hope that’s what most people get out of it.

Protect Marriage, Protect Children, Prohibit Divorce - watch more funny videos

Eewwwwwww!!!!!

2008-12-16T15:36:00.001-08:00

My Christmas tree is crawling with spiders!!! I think there was an egg sac on the tree when we brought it home!

UPDATE:
Okay, the man from the Christmas tree farm where we cut down our tree says they are probably aphids. They sure look like spiders to me. Apparently, we can rid our tree of them by simply spraying it with soapy water. Hm. Still gross.

Have you ever noticed

2008-12-11T09:36:00.000-08:00

that "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," "Baa Baa Black Sheep," and "The ABCs" have the exact same tune??

Strike That, Reverse It

2008-12-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

Without naming names, I will just say that the Store Manager at the Roseville Toys "R" Us is not a nice person and I refuse to work in that environment. So...

Here I go again.

I hate looking for a job.

Things On My Mind

2008-11-28T00:33:00.000-08:00

In no particular order...

Going to bed
Coming up with another $200 or so to pay the one bill I forgot about and still afford a couple groceries
Figuring out how to buy Christmas presents for my kids
Anxious for Annie to get home on Sunday
Hoping Jacob sleeps well tonight
Hoping Julianna sleeps well tonight
Wishing I wasn't out of laundry detergent
Making plans to go to the bank tomorrow and then come home and do absolutely nothing of consequence the rest of the day
Remembering to hook the smoke detector back up
Planning our trip to Oregon in December
Taking the "Happy Birthday" banner down since Jay's birthday was three weeks ago
My head hurts from having my hair back all day
Definitely time for sleep

(this blog inspired by "Conway")

From Bikes to Trains to Video Games...

2008-11-21T00:14:00.000-08:00

Well, the time had come. I did what I had to do... That's right, I got a part-time job.
Starting next week, I will be working two days a week at Toys "R" Us. I have to get used to the "R" thing, because they use it EVERYWHERE. You should see the back room. Oh my goodness. "R" Team; "R" Responsibilities; "R" Customers Are "R" Priority. For a grammar nut like me, this is going to be tough.

But, I digress. I am a Money Counter. Is that a job title or what? I am well over-qualified for the position, so it works out just fine. I get to go in, count money, and come home in plenty of time to see my kids for the latter part of the afternoon and the evening. I'll be home at bedtime and on days when Jay works and we'll still have all day Sunday as a family. It's really the best possible scenario if I have to work, except for the pay. Alas, they only hire at minimum wage, but it should be enough to help us through this difficult financial battle.

I have to find some money to go buy a red shirt before my first shift. Hmm...

Kids don't appreciate election night

2008-11-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

I know that it has been said before, but I have to say that I resent this whole projection tradition the news stations have. How can anyone say that projecting the results in the eastern states before the polls have closed on the west coast doesn't affect the outcome in the west?

Projections are stupid. I also tend to think that the electoral college is stupid, but I know there are things I don't know or understand about the alleged logic behind our system.

It's just frustrating to see that currently Obama and McCain both have 50% of the popular vote, but that they are miles apart in terms of the electoral college.

Back to parenting.

Another Election Day Post

2008-11-04T15:53:00.001-08:00

An Election Day Post

2008-11-04T09:40:00.000-08:00

Clinton Speaks Against Proposition 8

SACRAMENTO – In a telephone call to California voters, President Clinton delivers the following message regarding the unfairness of Proposition 8:

"This is Bill Clinton calling to ask you to vote NO on Proposition 8 on Tuesday, November 4th. Proposition 8 would use state law to single out one group of Californians to be treated differently -- discriminating against members of our family, our friends and our co-workers.

"If I know one thing about California, I know that is not what you're about. That is not what America is about. Please vote NO on 8. It's unfair and it's wrong. Thank you."

The calls from President Clinton went to millions of registered California voters overnight.

Parents Pissed Over Ad - Kids Had Permission To Attend Gay Wedding

SACRAMENTO – The parents of the two children most prominently featured in the latest multi-million dollar Prop 8 political spot today termed those ads “distasteful and exploitative” and demanded that the ads be taken off the air immediately. Both sets of parents – Laura Hodder and Matt Alexander and Jen Press and James Moore, sent two hand-delivered letters this morning. The first letter is to the Prop 8 Campaign demanding the ad be removed from its television and its Web site where it is being used as a fund raising tool. The second letter to the San Francisco Chronicle asks them to intervene on their behalf. The Prop 8 campaign manipulated video that the Chronicle has posted on its Web site.

In their letter to the Prop 8 campaign, the parents wrote: “We are absolutely outraged that you have chosen, without permission, to shamelessly hijack the images of our innocent children to promote a cause that we in no way, shape or form support. It is even more maddening that you have willfully and calculatingly edited the images of our children, with menacing music in the background, in a way that is completely contrary to their nature and harmful to them.”

The footage manipulated by the Yes campaign, without authorization from either the parents or the Chronicle, was originally captured on Oct. 10 when the children took a field trip with their classmates and several parents to share the moment of their teacher’s wedding to her longtime partner. All parents were notified well in advance of the trip which was organized by some parents, and, in fact, two families chose to have their children not participate under California’s broad opt out law.

“I’m a school principal so I know something about education and parents’ rights,” said Matt Alexander whose son, Ben, is featured in the ad. “And the opt out law is something we readily apply all the time. So, let me join every other educator in the state and ask Prop 8 to also stop lying about the opt out law.”

“This field trip was about sharing a special moment with a teacher these kids love,” said Jen Press whose daughter, Lucy, is prominently featured in the political ad. “To turn around and distort images of our children is outrageous. We’re opposed to Prop 8, but irrespective of our position, it’s wrong to use any image of children without their parents’ permission. And we think every parent in California would agree with us.”

In the letter to the San Francisco Chronicle, the parents wrote, in part:

“Our children are being exploited and used as pawns to further a political cause…We ask that you intervene immediately on our behalf and issue a cease and desist letter to the Yes on 8 campaign. If the campaign does not remove the ad, we ask that you pursue legal action against them.”

Added Jen Press: “Prop 8 claims to be about families, but we’re here to say you can’t be for families by attacking our families. You can’t be for families and take these children’s innocent images and flash them not only on television statewide, but on your fund raising page. This must stop right now.”

Baby Aiden

2008-10-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

A little three-month-old baby passed away today. His mother went to his crib and he was gone. SIDS, apparently. This baby was my third cousin on the same branch of the family as my cousin Luann who recently passed - only days before the baby was born, actually.

The only solace I feel is knowing that Luann is holding Baby Aiden close in Heaven, loving him and laughing with him.

I know we aren't meant to understand everything that God does, but really...

This is so sad.

If you would say a prayer for this family, it would mean so much. The pain of losing Luann was only just barely starting to dim.

Thanks.

Looking for a ray of hope... just one. That's all I'm asking...

2008-10-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

What is going on????

People are trying to raise children and pay mortgages and have babies and keep food in their refrigerators and hours are getting cut, hard working people are getting laid off, and there is a general consensus of hopelessness all around.

We aren't losers. We aren't unwilling to work, we aren't looking for hand-outs, we aren't sitting around doing drugs while our children cry in their cribs.

STOP SELLING YOUR STOCK, PEOPLE! Wait it out! If you keep selling, you're not going to get enough for it anyway and you're just making the stock market fall farther and farther. This economy is CRAP and we are paying for it.

This is getting seriously scary. Please help out those who need it if you find yourself in the position to do so.

God Bless America

This is so totally random

2008-10-08T00:25:00.001-07:00

A Decade Later

2008-10-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

My ten-year high school reunion was last weekend. TEN YEARS, MAN!

((Didn't anyone besides me see Grosse Pointe Blank??))

So, anyway... wow! I cannot believe how much has changed since high school. There are the obvious things: husband, kids, moving, working, not working. Then there are some less obvious things relating to my personal experiences... I was baptized, I've been through agony and elation, I've dealt with the California Family Court system, I've gotten to know my grandmother better, I've become closer with my mother and my sister, I've learned to appreciate what is good about California, I've missed the Midwest, and I've really figured out who I am.

I'm inspired to write

Top Ten Things I've Learned In The Last Ten Years

10. Diaper Smell will permeate any container the diapers are in.

9. Declaw your cat the day you find out you're pregnant.

8. You will become your parents and that's okay. Deal.

7. Grocery shopping is harder than it looks.

6. Take pictures.

5. Send thank you cards.

4. Cherish your siblings.

3. Make "I love you" a common phrase in your home and always say it like you mean it.

2. Family before friends. Friends before work.

1. God is knocking. Open Up.

Here's to the Grayslake Community High School Class of 1998! Go Rams!

((I feel compelled to disclose that I did not actually attend my reunion because it was six states away, but I wanted to be there and have still been profoundly impacted by its occurrence))

Woah.

2008-09-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

This is craziness. Bear with me, read till the end.

Election Nightmare Scenario

5 Good Things About Today

2008-09-22T17:13:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Byron...

1. I got to take a nice walk with my children.

2. An unexpected repair to the car will not cost nearly as much as I had feared.

3. I have cold Pepsi in the refrigerator.

4. My Verizon Wireless bill is less than it was yesterday.

5. It's Equinox day! My father-in-law stood an egg on its end. That's pretty cool (according to Wikipedia, you can do this any day of the year, but it was still cool).

9/11

2008-09-11T21:50:00.001-07:00

I keep thinking that at some point September 11 will feel normal again, but that has not yet happened. I don't need to re-hash what happened seven years ago today, we all know that already. The feelings this date stirs up in Americans are individually unique while also universally alike at the same time... we all know where we were, what we were doing, who we were with. We remember trying desperately to reach our loved ones and time after time hearing the tell-tale tri-tone sing song sound of the phone company revving up to say "The call you have made cannot be completed at this time" and "All circuits are currently busy, please try your call again." The checklist in our mind of all the people we loved enough to check in on got longer as fast as we could make the calls, too many times having to place an asterisk next to a name indicating that we had not yet reached them and would have to try again in another 30 minutes. We wondered if we should risk going outdoors to physically locate our loved ones or if we were safer staying put. And we stared at the television screen, hour after hour after hour ...after hour.

Just a couple months ago, my husband and I stumbled upon a video on YouTube that took my breath away. It really shook me up. Someone somewhere has synced up video footage of the first tower falling and a 911 call made from that tower. Between the time on the video footage and the time on the 911 call, they are able to match them seemingly perfectly, and you can listen to a man, desperate for help, begging the 911 operator to work a miracle on his behalf up to the moment that the building crashes down around him and the line goes dead.

What can I say that hasn't already been said a million times?

God Bless us all. God bless the survivors, the families, the bystanders and the rest of us who watched in terror wondering if the images we were seeing on our televisions were some cruel joke.

High gas prices don't seem like that big of a deal today.

These Little People In Our Charge

2008-09-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

Our children are our first real opportunity to define ourselves. Having children forces us to recognize the good and the bad in ourselves, because it's staring us back in the face. If we're grumpy and rude, our children will be grumpy and rude. If we're rushed and never have time for people, our children will never have time for people. If we're happy and giving, our children will be pleasant and generous. Now, obviously, this is a generalization, but isn't it amazing how much we shape our children, in every way? Being a parent makes us choose to be the type of person we want our children to be, because we know how much we influence who they will become. Subsequently, our children make us better people. We seem to want thanks from our children for everything we do for them, but don't forget to thank your young ones for everything they do for you. We catch ourselves losing our temper and we take a deep breath, because we don't want the children to hear us yelling. People stop swearing and smoking and drinking because they have children around. Just when we start to lose ourselves to our own selfishness, God gives us another reason to take care of our minds and our bodies. Parents don't take the risks that non-parents do, because if something happens to us, we wonder, what will happen to our children? Children give us a reason to be the best version of ourselves.

On a seemingly related note, check out "Angel in the Waters" by Regina Doman. It's simply beautiful. Non-parents be forewarned, the impact is much more significant for a parent.

Cord Blood Changes Lives

2008-08-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

I think this is the future of medicine, really. We banked Julianna's cord blood, and although I pray we never need it, I am glad we did.

2008-08-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

feeling icky

2008-08-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Why do some people have so much control over our emotional state? It's ridiculous. Their opinion means so much to us and when it differs from our own it causes us such distress. Such vulnerability is simply a pain in the ... rear.

Why is it that forgiving is so much easier than forgetting? It seems that even when you are able to truly forgive someone for something, you still struggle to forget it.. and if we're unable to forget, have we ever truly forgiven?

I'm pretty sure Carrie Bradshaw wrote something almost exactly the same once upon a time.

I'm feeling down today. I hope things get better as the hours tick by.

((Oh, and I feel like I should just say that this has nothing to do with Amanda. Amanda and I are fine. I know that is probably what jumped to some people's minds.))

Sigh. I hate feeling crummy. I need to clean before my mom comes over later. And I need to feed my son. And myself. And do laundry. And fold. And clean Annie's room - it's trashed. Maybe being productive around the house will make me feel better.

Happy Wednesday, everyone.

Update

2008-08-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

Amanda is getting better, but it's a slow process. She says she feels as if she's been punched hard in her back and side. She has a very difficult time supporting herself on her own two legs, and chest pain whenever she moves around. She was told that the muscles around her heart got very tight, and if the paramedics hadn't administered the shot they gave her when they did, it would have been a heart attack. As it is, it was not a heart attack. I think of it as a heart attack that they were able to stop, personally, but whatever. She says she can still feel tightness in her chest, but the muscles seem to relax more each hour, and within a number of days they should be back to normal. The near-heart-attack did not affect her aneurysm, which is very good news. The doctors are blaming stress, which actually does make sense, considering everything going on in Amanda's life right now.

Annie is less freaked out today, but still nervous.

So, improvement seems to be upon us, thankfully. She has to stay calm and relaxed, so we're helping out where we can to make that possible. I'll pick Annie up from school Monday and any other days they would like.

Thank you to those of you who have called and emailed me concerned for Amanda. It means a lot. Oh, how far we have come.

2008-08-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

I have reached the other side of the mountain.

On one side is anger and hatred. Somewhere up the hillside, you reach resentment and frustration. On the top, you find yourself on a plateau of indifference and tolerance. Headed down the other side, you discover fondness and understanding. Eventually, you find yourself in the grassy cushion on the bottom of the other side, basking in love and joy.

Somewhere in the last six months, I started sliding off the edge of the plateau. I am officially on the other side.

I got a phone call this morning. Amanda had another "heart thing." She has had three heart attacks and multiple other heart-related episodes. She has an aneurysm in one of her heart valves and another one shut down about two years ago, which means she is operating on two valves. At five o'clock this morning, Annie woke up and heard Ben talking loudly on the phone. She came out to the living room and found Amanda lying on the floor, unconscious. Ben was on the phone with 911. She was taken to the hospital and released around ten o'clock this morning. She has been resting, but cannot speak loudly, cannot walk, and cannot move at all without terrible chest pain. I'm no doctor, but I really don't get why they released her when she's still so messed up. Whatever, she's at home sleeping now. I picked Annie up for about four hours today to get her out of the house, let her talk about it if she wanted, and get her mind off of it if possible. She carried her cell phone with her like it was a newborn baby, never letting it out of her reach, and she texted Ben four times while we were out to make sure things were okay (which they were). She did talk about it quite a bit, and got rather shaken up when she heard an ambulance going through the streets of Auburn (that was one of the text messages to Ben), but we also enjoyed a nice lunch at Marie Callender's and ice cream at Baskin Robbins. We picked up a nice flower arrangement for Amanda while we were out.

It's becoming clear that this isn't going away. We had all started to feel more comfortable, because she hasn't had any issues in over a year, but here we are again.

Oh, yeah, my point. When I got the phone call this morning, one request that was made of me was that I call Annie in to school. When I was explaining to the school why Annie wouldn't be there today, my voice caught in my throat. I was upset. Genuinely upset.

I care about Amanda. Truly, honestly. I don't mean to sound so crude about it, but this is a pretty huge change from three years ago.

So, we are praying for Amanda and Annie, and I would appreciate any added prayers you can provide. Annie is pretty freaked out.

Amanda, Annie, and Ben - Christmas 2007

OMG She's Five Months Old

2008-08-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

When did this happen??

Then
...and now

Feet

2008-08-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

Julianna found her feet last week, and for those of you who don't get to see her as often as we all wish you could; here she is. This is pretty much what she does whenever she finds herself lying on her back these days.

Disgruntled and Disgusted

2008-08-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

Associated Press
BEIJING - A Chinese man stabbed the in-laws of the U.S. Olympic men's volleyball coach, killing one and injuring the other while they visited a Beijing tourist site near the main venue where Olympic competitions began Saturday, officials said.
The victims were Todd and Barbara Bachman, parents of former Olympian Elisabeth Bachman, who is married to men's volleyball coach Hugh McCutcheon. Bachman's father was killed.
The assailant also stabbed and injured a Chinese female tour guide with the Americans. He then committed suicide by throwing himself off a 130-foot-high balcony of the ancient landmark the Americans were visiting, the 13th century Drum Tower, the official Xinhua News Agency reported.
"They are deeply saddened and shocked," Darryl Seibel, a spokesman for the U.S. Olympic Committee, said of the volleyball team.
He said the two victims "were not wearing apparel or anything that would have specifically identified them as being members of our delegation" or as Americans.
The U.S. Embassy said it believed the attack was an isolated act and not directed at Americans or foreigners, given that the Chinese tour guide was also hurt.
"We don't believe this was targeted at American citizens, and we don't believe this has anything to do with the Olympics," embassy spokeswoman Susan Stevenson said.
Ramped-up security
The killing was a rare instance of violent crime against foreigners in tightly controlled China, which has ramped up security measures even more for the Olympics.
The attack shortly after noon at the busy tourist site darkened the mood at the games the day after a spectacular opening ceremony had set an ebullient tone after years of nervous buildup.
Beijing's communist leaders are hypersensitive to anything that could take the shine off the games, insisting issues such as China's human rights record, harsh rule in Tibet and ties with Sudan should not be raised at the sports event.
China's Foreign Ministry had no immediate comment on the attack.
Xinhua identified the attacker as Tang Yongming, 47, from the eastern city of Hangzhou. It said Tang attacked the two Americans and their Chinese tour guide on the second level of the ancient tower, then leapt to his death immediately afterward.
Seibel said it was "too early to say" whether security would be stepped up for the U.S. team. But some athletes were already thinking about it.
Jennie Finch, a member of the U.S. softball team, said her heart skipped a beat when she heard about the attack, but she was undaunted.
"I'm here with my husband and son, so it's not easy but we're living our dreams and we're not going to live in fear," she said. "We're going to go out there every day and enjoy every day and celebrate it."
'Thoughts and prayers'
U.S. Ambassador Clark T. Randt visited the victims at a hospital in Beijing to convey the condolences of President Bush, who is in Beijing for the first days of the games.
"Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families," Bush told reporters. "And the United States government has offered to provide any assistance the family needs."
At the scene, police blocked off streets leading to the Drum Tower, which is just five miles from the main Olympics venue in China's capital. They cordoned off the area with yellow police tape while officers collected samples from the tower and the street below.
Some details of the attack, including the motive and weapon used, were not immediately clear.
Attacks on foreigners in China are extremely rare. A Canadian model was murdered last month in Shanghai — police said she had stumbled onto a burglary.
In March, a screaming, bomb-strapped hostage-taker who commandeered a bus with 10 Australians aboard in the popular tourist city of Xi'an was shot to death by a police sniper.
Shanghai and Beijing are still safer than most foreign cities of their size. Punishments for crimes against foreigners are heavier than for crimes against Chinese, and citizens are not allowed to own guns.
Even so, the U.S. government now warns Americans against muggings, beatings and even carjackings, especially in the nightlife and shopping districts of large cities.
Built in the 13th century, the Drum Tower is one of few ancient structures still in fast-developing Beijing. Drummers pounded their massive instruments on the hour to let people in the imperial city know the time.

When are we going to realize that when we send a large group of our citizens to a foreign country for a highly-publicized event, we need to protect them and their families? We are in no position to just blindly trust the security of the land we are visiting. If we extend the same protective measures to our citizens in these types of circumstances regardless of the country we are visiting, foreign countries will see that we are not picking on them, but are being consistently protective in each nation we visit. The Olympics have historically been a great opportunity for those who wish members of another nation harm and attacks have taken place many times on the members of various Olympic teams over the years. Considering our position in the international community right now, maybe we should invest some of our "Homeland Security" money into protecting our people abroad.

Oh, and I love how they don't think the victims appeared American. Puh-lease! I have a funny feeling that a couple Americans walking around Beijing with cameras around their necks and backpacks on their backs probably stick out when surrounded with Chinese men and women. Even if they had been Chinese-Americans, I guarantee they wouldn't have carried themselves the same way as Chinese citizens. However, with a name like Bachman, I suspect they were quite "white," not to mention possibly blond-haired and blue-eyed.

My thoughts and prayers are with the family of the victims. I can't imagine losing my father in such a violent, terrible way.

Old Fashioned Silliness

2008-08-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

Our family had "old-fashioned" pictures taken a couple weeks ago. Before they took the posed photos, they shot one just to make sure they had everything set up correctly. I believe the photographer's exact words were, "Make a face!"

Too bad Julianna is IN her hat, and Jacob is half missing!

I found this fascinating

2008-08-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

I always had a confusion about dinosaurs, and this site actually makes sense to me.

http://www.answersingenesis.org/Docs/2.asp

This one helps with the whole idea of deciding how old we think the dinosaur bones are. I didn't realize that no one really tests the bones to determine their age.

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/dinosaurs/carbondating.html

John Cusack, Cadoo, and Babies

2008-08-01T13:23:00.001-07:00

So I'm wishing people would update their blogs so I would have something new to read, and I realize that I haven't updated my own! So here we are... I'm watching "Say Anything" for the first time in too many years. Such an excellent movie. Jacob is pretending to play Cranium Cadoo. Jay is doing whatever he does on his computer. It's one of those days. Oh, and the baby is asleep and Annie is at Amanda's, so there ya go.

Did you ever have a problem that you didn't even understand? Like when someone is mad at you and you have no idea why or what to do about it? And why do people carry around all these issues and wait until one breakthrough moment when they just let loose with all of it at once? Couldn't we deal with things a little bit at a time? Less overwhelming that way, I think.

I feel like there is something I should be doing and am avoiding, but I honestly don't know what it is. I need to go buy cat food and juice, and there's a basket of laundry that requires folding, but these things really aren't a big deal... so what is it? I think I'm actually waiting for someone else to do something. Hm. I hate waiting for other people, I'm much too proactive for that.

I want to get pregnant again. Is that insane? I LOVE my little girl and am enjoying every moment of her infancy, and of course Jacob is my treasured angel, but I think I want to do this again, sooner rather than later. I know that part of it is that I grew up only 17 months apart from my little brother, and we were so close and took so much comfort in each other's company, I guess I want to give that gift to my children, too. And I'm not working anyway, so it's not like there's a huge financial impact immediately. We would need another bedroom, I guess that's really the biggest issue. Which is, of course, a very big issue! I don't know, I'm just thinking in print. I asked Jay and he's up for another one. We are a little nuts, I think, but it's cool.

...

I hate waiting on other people

A Year of Transition Transitions Again

2008-07-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

In May 2007, my daughter's "other mom" moved back to California and re-entered Annie's every day life. What has, in the past, been a very toxic relationship between us and her is now actually pretty darned good one. Annie comes and goes between our two households and is the happiest I have ever known her to be. Amanda and I have actually had a number of lengthy, heartfelt telephone conversations about various things, and much more email correspondence over the past 16 months. I can honestly say that I think of her as a friend. Those of you who have been with me through the past five years know what a huge statement that is!

Amanda has married a man that I actually like and has a stable job that she actually likes. She has been here for Annie's school activities and events: talent shows, awards ceremonies, open houses, and the like. She has begun attending church again, albeit irregularly, and has seemingly reconnected with Christ. I pray that this process continues steadily.

It is with confusion that I report that Amanda is now moving to Oregon on a temporary placement concerning her job. She has to relocate for two years in order to make a significant advancement professionally and financially, and will then return to this area. She has arranged with her employer that she MUST have time to visit Annie regularly and attend major school functions. We will allow Annie to go up to Oregon for visits during school breaks, of course.

I understand why Amanda is going, and yet part of me wonders if it's a good idea to re-open old separation-wounds where Annie is concerned. It took us a while to get used to living in the same area, and now we will go back to the way it was before. I know we'll be okay, we did it for a long time before this most recent togetherness, but I just hope Annie doesn't resent her other mom for this decision. The two years between ten and twelve are big years, and Amanda won't be around for them.

On the other hand, I'll have my daughter around full time again!

We are supportive of Amanda's decision and will make sure Annie sees that. I'll keep you posted.

Pray for our family's mental health! This is emotionally confusing.

Backwards Day

2008-07-22T08:29:00.001-07:00

In the last few months, a number of things have happened; rent has gone up, gas prices have gone up, the cost of food has gone up, and the number of mouths we have to feed has gone up. That last mouth to feed has not actually affected us "food-wise" yet, but there are always diapers and wipes to make up for any money saved by breastfeeding. So, you can imagine my utter surprise upon opening mail from Citibank, the corporation hosting my federal student loan. Apparently, my interest rate is changing from 6.37% to 3.36%. Not that it is going to make a HUGE difference in my life, but it is still nice to get some good news for once! Imagine that, an interest rate went down. The earth is still spinning on it's axis, right??

This is cool. I cried.

2008-07-20T23:40:00.001-07:00

Sigh...

2008-07-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

Today we lost such a special member of our family. My cousin has been living with Cancer for an unknown length of time and battling it with vigor for the past eight weeks. This evening, she went to be with Our Lord at 7:10pm EST. She will be sorely missed and always remembered with the utmost respect and LOVE. I take comfort knowing that she is now kneeling at the feet of Jesus Christ, surely weeping with joy as she takes it all in.

Thank you to everyone who kept Luann and our family in your prayers these past many weeks. It is appreciated and will never be forgotten.

Semi-Colons

2008-07-17T10:01:00.001-07:00

Semi-Colons are wonderful; they should be used all the time! They are probably my favorite punctuation mark right now. Previously, I have been fond of apostrophes and parentheses, but I've never much cared for dashes. Dashes are frequently confused with hyphens, and I rarely find good use for either of them. Down with dashes!

It's funny that I should be posting about this topic right now; Jacob is watching Sesame Street and Tully and Baby Bear are attending a "Triangle Lovers' Club" meeting. It seems oddly similar to my imaginary "Semi-Colon Lovers' Club" post today.

Brave New World

2008-07-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

Today I embark on a new blogging adventure! Bear with me while I figure out how everything works and try to increase my AV skill. I have very limited time in my life for these things, so it may be slow going for a bit; bear with me!

So, today it begins.

Me, My Kids, My Life

So, what's up with the Joosts these days?

Keep On Keepin' On

How time flies

Update

And... We're Clear!

**Giggle**

The Danger of Precedent

As Long as it's a Narrow Exception!

You May As Well Know

State Legislature Goes On Record to Oppose Prop. 8

What's at Stake

Gratitude and Humility

There are no words. Well, there are some...

Hollywood Meanie-Heads

Stupid Government CRAP

Anyone catch the Late Show?

Happy Thoughts...

I'm starting to freak out a little

Wow. Really?

"So everybody get ready to raise your middle finger to 2008 and welcome 2009!" - Radio DJ on New Year's Eve

To Execute Faithfully... To Faithfully Execute... Oh, Damn It!

To Boldly Go...

Lovin' That Hot Dog

If I arranged a reunion...

The job search is ON

Agree, Disagree, Whatever.

Marc Shaiman on ‘Prop 8 — The Musical’

Eewwwwwww!!!!!

Have you ever noticed

Strike That, Reverse It

Things On My Mind

From Bikes to Trains to Video Games...

Kids don't appreciate election night

Another Election Day Post

An Election Day Post

Baby Aiden

Looking for a ray of hope... just one. That's all I'm asking...

This is so totally random

A Decade Later

Woah.

5 Good Things About Today

9/11

These Little People In Our Charge

Cord Blood Changes Lives

feeling icky

Update

OMG She's Five Months Old

Feet

Disgruntled and Disgusted

Old Fashioned Silliness

I found this fascinating

John Cusack, Cadoo, and Babies

A Year of Transition Transitions Again

Backwards Day

This is cool. I cried.

Sigh...

Semi-Colons

Brave New World

Giggle