Cord Blood Changes Lives

I think this is the future of medicine, really. We banked Julianna's cord blood, and although I pray we never need it, I am glad we did.

feeling icky

Why do some people have so much control over our emotional state? It's ridiculous. Their opinion means so much to us and when it differs from our own it causes us such distress. Such vulnerability is simply a pain in the ... rear.

Why is it that forgiving is so much easier than forgetting? It seems that even when you are able to truly forgive someone for something, you still struggle to forget it.. and if we're unable to forget, have we ever truly forgiven?

I'm pretty sure Carrie Bradshaw wrote something almost exactly the same once upon a time.

I'm feeling down today. I hope things get better as the hours tick by.

((Oh, and I feel like I should just say that this has nothing to do with Amanda. Amanda and I are fine. I know that is probably what jumped to some people's minds.))

Sigh. I hate feeling crummy. I need to clean before my mom comes over later. And I need to feed my son. And myself. And do laundry. And fold. And clean Annie's room - it's trashed. Maybe being productive around the house will make me feel better.

Happy Wednesday, everyone.

Update

Amanda is getting better, but it's a slow process. She says she feels as if she's been punched hard in her back and side. She has a very difficult time supporting herself on her own two legs, and chest pain whenever she moves around. She was told that the muscles around her heart got very tight, and if the paramedics hadn't administered the shot they gave her when they did, it would have been a heart attack. As it is, it was not a heart attack. I think of it as a heart attack that they were able to stop, personally, but whatever. She says she can still feel tightness in her chest, but the muscles seem to relax more each hour, and within a number of days they should be back to normal. The near-heart-attack did not affect her aneurysm, which is very good news. The doctors are blaming stress, which actually does make sense, considering everything going on in Amanda's life right now.

Annie is less freaked out today, but still nervous.

So, improvement seems to be upon us, thankfully. She has to stay calm and relaxed, so we're helping out where we can to make that possible. I'll pick Annie up from school Monday and any other days they would like.

Thank you to those of you who have called and emailed me concerned for Amanda. It means a lot. Oh, how far we have come.

I have reached the other side of the mountain.

On one side is anger and hatred. Somewhere up the hillside, you reach resentment and frustration. On the top, you find yourself on a plateau of indifference and tolerance. Headed down the other side, you discover fondness and understanding. Eventually, you find yourself in the grassy cushion on the bottom of the other side, basking in love and joy.

Somewhere in the last six months, I started sliding off the edge of the plateau. I am officially on the other side.

I got a phone call this morning. Amanda had another "heart thing." She has had three heart attacks and multiple other heart-related episodes. She has an aneurysm in one of her heart valves and another one shut down about two years ago, which means she is operating on two valves. At five o'clock this morning, Annie woke up and heard Ben talking loudly on the phone. She came out to the living room and found Amanda lying on the floor, unconscious. Ben was on the phone with 911. She was taken to the hospital and released around ten o'clock this morning. She has been resting, but cannot speak loudly, cannot walk, and cannot move at all without terrible chest pain. I'm no doctor, but I really don't get why they released her when she's still so messed up. Whatever, she's at home sleeping now. I picked Annie up for about four hours today to get her out of the house, let her talk about it if she wanted, and get her mind off of it if possible. She carried her cell phone with her like it was a newborn baby, never letting it out of her reach, and she texted Ben four times while we were out to make sure things were okay (which they were). She did talk about it quite a bit, and got rather shaken up when she heard an ambulance going through the streets of Auburn (that was one of the text messages to Ben), but we also enjoyed a nice lunch at Marie Callender's and ice cream at Baskin Robbins. We picked up a nice flower arrangement for Amanda while we were out.

It's becoming clear that this isn't going away. We had all started to feel more comfortable, because she hasn't had any issues in over a year, but here we are again.

Oh, yeah, my point. When I got the phone call this morning, one request that was made of me was that I call Annie in to school. When I was explaining to the school why Annie wouldn't be there today, my voice caught in my throat. I was upset. Genuinely upset.

I care about Amanda. Truly, honestly. I don't mean to sound so crude about it, but this is a pretty huge change from three years ago.

So, we are praying for Amanda and Annie, and I would appreciate any added prayers you can provide. Annie is pretty freaked out.


Amanda, Annie, and Ben - Christmas 2007

OMG She's Five Months Old

When did this happen??

Then
...and now

Feet

Julianna found her feet last week, and for those of you who don't get to see her as often as we all wish you could; here she is. This is pretty much what she does whenever she finds herself lying on her back these days.