There are no words. Well, there are some...

I realize that on the surface this will seem ridiculous. It's easy to laugh at people for loving something purely fictional. Hell, we laugh at people for loving celebrities, and they're real people. So, I'm just saying I understand that this might make you think I'm nuts, or at least a little pathetic.

I'm seriously sad that ER is ending. I have been watching ER on Thursday nights since I was 14 years old. This, the fifteenth season, is to be its last. I have fallen in love with characters, been disappointed by characters, cried over events, yelled at my television, screamed at my television, terrified my brother by FREAKING OUT over a particular terrible event in the sixth season, lured my mother, my roommate, and my husband into watching, and demanded pure silence from everyone nearby during episodes. I was there when Mark and Jen broke up. I was there when Carol finally admitted she loved Doug. I was there when Paul Sobriki killed Lucy and permanently damaged Carter (in every possible way). I was there when Doug walked out, and when Carol followed him. I was there when Mark died, and when Romano had a helicopter crash on his head. Carter cleaned up, Abby faltered. Deb Chen left, returned, and left again. Come to think of it, so did Susan. Don't get me started on Chloe! Ray lost his legs, Morris actually turned into a decent guy AND a decent doc. Uncle Jesse became Dr. Gates. Sam killed her ex-husband and got off scot-free. Benton really DID love Carter like a son, you just had to know him.

And that's the key. I KNOW these characters. I know them because I have paid the utmost attention to every tiny little detail for the last fifteen years! I have sat in dark rooms and silenced everyone who dared approach me and focused 100% on the episode at hand. I wasn't even allowed to stay up late enough to watch ER when it first started, but I did anyway. I would turn off my lights and turn my tv on and keep the volume at such a ridiculously low volume that I had to be inches from the screen to hear, but my parents never caught me and I never missed an episode. I used to talk to Peter Kupfer every Thursday night during the first (and second?) season during commercial breaks and hang up on him the moment the episode re-started... but it was all good because he understood. Later, I would call Kris Nagao following each episode to recap what we had just seen and make predictions for the following week's show.

I have seen George Clooney in person when he appeared on Jay Leno, and he is absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to drive by Noah Wyle's farm outside of L.A., but my silly roommate decided it was "too stalkerish" and refused to go with me, so I was shamed into staying home. I have watched all three Librarian movies because Dear Noah tugs at my heartstrings, and I must confess he was the only reason I saw Donnie Darko, originally. I am literally afraid of David Krumholtz because of his role on ER.

I've watched Mark take over Susan's apartment and Neela take over Abby's. I understood the significance of the casual drink Carter took in season 8. I was there when Mark got attacked in the bathroom, and I spent the summer of 2000 constantly worried about whether Carter had stuck it out in rehab in Atlanta. I spent weeks confused and upset for Abby when she lost her way in 2007, and was thrilled when she and Luka finally got it together in 2008.

Okay, I could go on forever (I already have). The point is that no matter how pathetic I am, this is something that has been a significant obsession for the majority of my life! Now, the inevitable eventuality has arrived and there are only five more episodes of ER remaining. Oh, and Carter's dying without a kidney transplant.

I am very much saddened to say goodbye to all these people I have grown so fond of. What, oh what, am I going to do on Thursday nights? Are the doctors and nurses of County General going to check in with me once in a while to let me know how they're doing? Is Neela ever going to truly grow up? Did Deb ever contact her son? Has Elizabeth kept up a relationship with Rachel? How the hell is Malucci doing?

I noticed that tonight's episode had Carter washing blood out of his shirt standing over the same sink where Abby originally caught him shooting up after a trauma. He had the same look on his face for a moment when Banfield walked in, as though he might hide the truth, but this time decided to be open about what was going on. I thought that was an interesting choice... and not everyone would have noticed that.

Okay, so I've made my point. I'm ridiculous, and I'm sad. I don't wanna say goodbye to ER! I just might throw a temper tantrum... I just might.

Hollywood Meanie-Heads

That was mean. There is either something truly wrong with Joaquin Phoenix (and he needs help) or he is completely sincere and you're just picking on him like a bully on a playground. Either way, this was pushing the line a little, if you ask me.

I guess nothing Hollywood types do should surprise me, but this did.

Stupid Government CRAP

Sorry to speak to the obvious, but if you can possibly avoid ever having to file for Unemployment Benefits, do so. I am so tired of the bureaucracy of our government. Rather than expediting the process for people who are out of a job and have no source of income (not to mention little kids to care for), they intentionally send you through as many blankety-blank steps as possible, causing it to take as long as possible, while you flounder around with no money.

I may throw something. I'll keep you posted.

Anyone catch the Late Show?

Okay, I am not just trying to bash this man. I think he is a brilliant actor and (when shaven) a very good looking individual... but what the hell is wrong with Joaquin Phoenix??

I saw him on David Letterman tonight and all I can think is that he was higher than a kite and barely realized where he was. I surely hope that he is okay, but for the time being he really ought to stay out of the limelight. There is DEFINITELY something wrong with him.

John Belushi, anyone?

Happy Thoughts...

My silly husband
Food Network
Reminiscing about high school
Google Earth
My amazing children
The health of everyone dear to me
Garth
The roof over our heads
Key Lime Pie
My supportive siblings
Warm socks
My understanding friends
My church community
Sleeping in
Groceries in the kitchen
The return of so many of my favorite characters in the final season of ER
My awesome niece and nephew
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
My loving parents

Okay, so I did NOT get the job with Wells Fargo in Auburn OR the job with Washington Mutual in Auburn. WaMu called me and wants me to interview for a position in Fair Oaks, however, so at least they're still interested. Wells Fargo has another position open in Sacramento for which I applied, and now Wachovia is hiring at their branch in Auburn, so I applied for that as well. I have sent my resume to Bank of the West and Umpqua and someone else... not to mention all the random jobs I've applied for on hotjobs.com.

Jay is still waiting to hear from Roseville Toyota, but we aren't particularly optomistic. He has applied with Lithia Toyota in Vacaville (!) and has interviews next week with Aflac and some healthcare insurance company. He has a bunch of random applications out there, too.

This is nuts. Thank God for family. We are receiving such support from both sides of our clan that I am at a loss for words to thank them. I can definitely tell you we have food in the house, which is amazing.

I'll let you know when something happens!!

I'm starting to freak out a little

I am finding myself to be very anxious lately. Jay and I are both actively looking for work, and I have a few bites, but Jay isn't seeing much action. There aren't many jobs in his field available, and he has not had any luck getting into the field he would like to pursue. The next step is just finding some job, any job, at whatever pay rate he can find.

I am having anxiety attacks again. I haven't had them in a while, but they seem to be back full-force. Thankfully, I still have some of the medication my doctor prescribed last time. I hope this doesn't last long. Stress is a killer, y'know.

Continuing to wish, hope, plan, and pray...