There are no words. Well, there are some...

I realize that on the surface this will seem ridiculous. It's easy to laugh at people for loving something purely fictional. Hell, we laugh at people for loving celebrities, and they're real people. So, I'm just saying I understand that this might make you think I'm nuts, or at least a little pathetic.

I'm seriously sad that ER is ending. I have been watching ER on Thursday nights since I was 14 years old. This, the fifteenth season, is to be its last. I have fallen in love with characters, been disappointed by characters, cried over events, yelled at my television, screamed at my television, terrified my brother by FREAKING OUT over a particular terrible event in the sixth season, lured my mother, my roommate, and my husband into watching, and demanded pure silence from everyone nearby during episodes. I was there when Mark and Jen broke up. I was there when Carol finally admitted she loved Doug. I was there when Paul Sobriki killed Lucy and permanently damaged Carter (in every possible way). I was there when Doug walked out, and when Carol followed him. I was there when Mark died, and when Romano had a helicopter crash on his head. Carter cleaned up, Abby faltered. Deb Chen left, returned, and left again. Come to think of it, so did Susan. Don't get me started on Chloe! Ray lost his legs, Morris actually turned into a decent guy AND a decent doc. Uncle Jesse became Dr. Gates. Sam killed her ex-husband and got off scot-free. Benton really DID love Carter like a son, you just had to know him.

And that's the key. I KNOW these characters. I know them because I have paid the utmost attention to every tiny little detail for the last fifteen years! I have sat in dark rooms and silenced everyone who dared approach me and focused 100% on the episode at hand. I wasn't even allowed to stay up late enough to watch ER when it first started, but I did anyway. I would turn off my lights and turn my tv on and keep the volume at such a ridiculously low volume that I had to be inches from the screen to hear, but my parents never caught me and I never missed an episode. I used to talk to Peter Kupfer every Thursday night during the first (and second?) season during commercial breaks and hang up on him the moment the episode re-started... but it was all good because he understood. Later, I would call Kris Nagao following each episode to recap what we had just seen and make predictions for the following week's show.

I have seen George Clooney in person when he appeared on Jay Leno, and he is absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to drive by Noah Wyle's farm outside of L.A., but my silly roommate decided it was "too stalkerish" and refused to go with me, so I was shamed into staying home. I have watched all three Librarian movies because Dear Noah tugs at my heartstrings, and I must confess he was the only reason I saw Donnie Darko, originally. I am literally afraid of David Krumholtz because of his role on ER.

I've watched Mark take over Susan's apartment and Neela take over Abby's. I understood the significance of the casual drink Carter took in season 8. I was there when Mark got attacked in the bathroom, and I spent the summer of 2000 constantly worried about whether Carter had stuck it out in rehab in Atlanta. I spent weeks confused and upset for Abby when she lost her way in 2007, and was thrilled when she and Luka finally got it together in 2008.

Okay, I could go on forever (I already have). The point is that no matter how pathetic I am, this is something that has been a significant obsession for the majority of my life! Now, the inevitable eventuality has arrived and there are only five more episodes of ER remaining. Oh, and Carter's dying without a kidney transplant.

I am very much saddened to say goodbye to all these people I have grown so fond of. What, oh what, am I going to do on Thursday nights? Are the doctors and nurses of County General going to check in with me once in a while to let me know how they're doing? Is Neela ever going to truly grow up? Did Deb ever contact her son? Has Elizabeth kept up a relationship with Rachel? How the hell is Malucci doing?

I noticed that tonight's episode had Carter washing blood out of his shirt standing over the same sink where Abby originally caught him shooting up after a trauma. He had the same look on his face for a moment when Banfield walked in, as though he might hide the truth, but this time decided to be open about what was going on. I thought that was an interesting choice... and not everyone would have noticed that.

Okay, so I've made my point. I'm ridiculous, and I'm sad. I don't wanna say goodbye to ER! I just might throw a temper tantrum... I just might.