How time flies

I have found that updating this blog takes up precious time of which I have very little, so I apologize for going so long between posts.

Every day, I tell myself to keep my chin up and look on the bright side and that one day this will all be behind us. I know that sometimes the economy sucks and then eventually it doesn't anymore. I know this, but it's so hard in the moment... Jay is still looking for work. We thought we may have caught a break when a Service Writer up in Auburn gave his notice, but now we're hearing that they may not bother replacing him. Jay should have gotten an unemployment check today, but apparently we forgot to have Jay sign his continued claim form last week, so they sent him another form to sign before they can mail a check. Now, if things go smoothly, he won't receive his check until Tuesday, most likely. We are overdrawn in our bank account and have a lot of people asking us to make payments for one thing or the other, and I have made payment promises that I now cannot honor. Thankfully, I was able to make arrangements so our car won't be repossessed, as was a possibility.

I found a program through the city which will allow the kids to take swimming lessons this summer free-of-charge, so that was a blessing. I really didn't want to skip a summer, because I believe that swimming lessons can literally save lives and I always sign my kids up. This year, because we qualified for the free lessons, I am even going to do a "Mommy and Me" lesson with Julianna, which will supposedly teach her to pull herself out of the pool on the side. That could definitely be beneficial in a worst-case-scenario! So, I feel good about that.

I just go through such a roller coaster of emotions all the time. Jay is about to run out of his unemployment benefits, so we are coming up on his first federal extension. That is all well and good, but I've been told that you usually go three to four weeks without a check while they evaluate your application for an extension. Also, although I know the government is acutely aware at how badly people need the unemployment system right now, I always have it in the back of my mind that California is ultra-broke. Are they someday going to just say, "Sorry, we're out of money" and stop sending checks all together? Who knows? I don't trust any of the politicians anymore. Everything is a mess.

I find myself in a rotten mood because I'm so worried about everything, and that's not fair to my family. I am not enjoying it, either. I am experiencing a lot of headaches and hip pain at this stage of my pregnancy, also, which makes life that much more painful, physically.

I just really want to get to the other side of this mountain. I want to look back and say, "Oh, Jay, remember how impossible it was in 2009?? How did we ever get through that? I'm so glad things are better now!"

I'm scared and worried and confused and angry and disappointed. And what makes it worse is that it's all because of MONEY. STUPID MONEY! I hate that money can affect our lives so much. My children are healthy, my husband and I and all the people I love are healthy. I have a full-time job, which millions of people would love to have. I have a home. Our rent payments are late, but I have a home regardless. I am pregnant with another precious child, which is such a blessing!! I constantly remind myself of the good in my life, and yet I still end up feeling sorry for myself. I guess that's awful. Now I feel guilty for feeling upset. Sigh.

I hope all of you are doing well. I'm sorry this post has been such a pity party, but it's how I'm feeling right now. Hopefully, next time I will be in a better frame of mind.